When I tell someone I teach self defence I often get asked “what style?” I usually reply “it doesn’t matter.” The consensus is that self defence is somehow synonymous to fighting techniques or martial arts.    But how could fighting techniques be the solution to the self defence problem?… There are several issues with this thinking.   What is the purpose of self defence? Is it to win fights or is it to remain safe? This question really needs to be asked, because it puts a different spin on the outcome. Sure, when looking at the problem of personal safety, it is rather obvious (and easy) to see a (physical) attack that needs to be defended against. But that is only a part of the problem and also one that is extremely hard to solve.    By the way, there is a silver lining to this problem, but let’s stick with the fighting techniques for a moment.   Since I teach women’s self defence I will address this issue from this perspective.    A man, on average, has double the upper body strength than a woman, and 50% more in the lower body. That is a huge difference! How can you make that up? You can’t. Don’t get me wrong, I believe you can do anything you put your mind to. David beat Goliath and so could you. But how much effort would you be willing to put in to achieve such a feat? How hard would you be willing to train? How many hours would you be willing to put in? How determined would you be?    Of course there are highly trained and skilled women fighters that would easily defeat most men. But they train 5-6 times a week for hours every day. Are you willing to do that?    There are also other factors that play into this like age, athleticism, talent, size and fitness level. Where do you stand? What if the attacker trains as well?   There are also those who have put in the (or some) work to be able to defend themselves. I’ve spoken to many of them. Many have completed a self defence course of some sort. But if it was at some time in the past and I ask them what they learned, the answer is usually very vague. When I meet a ‘black-belt’ who hasn’t trained in a while, there is usually not much left of the learned skills. How much would you expect to be able to apply something that you hardly know?    So what does this mean? Would you have to train for the rest of your life to prepare for a situation that you don’t want to experience? Just so you can be safe? Does that mean that the elderly or physically unfit can never be safe? No. But you’d have to look at this problem differently.    If you put your safety in ‘the hands’ of fighting techniques you will always fight an unsurmountable, uphill battle that cannot really be won, even if you do train. Even if you were the greatest fighter in the world, age would eventually change that. And if you don’t train, which would be the vast majority, could you not be safe anyway? Would you have to live with the worry or even fear of being attacked eventually? Absolutely not! Unfortunately that is the marketing pull of many who teach self defence: “It’s dangerous out there! Anything could happen to anyone at any time. You better learn some techniques to be prepared.” The thing is that these techniques never really prepare you. They can’t.   People (women and men) often ask me for that ‘special technique’ they can use if attacked. That technique would have to be special because it’s rather easy to use and would cause a lot of damage right? But you already know such a technique. You know a place on a man’s body that if struck even lightly, would cause immense pain. You know it’s rather easy to get to with your feet, knees or hands without any training.    So why do you need another special technique? Because it’s not about the technique. It’s about the person applying it. Some could and would pull it off, others couldn’t. This has nothing to do with physical skills, but with the mindset behind it.    In regards to the effectiveness of a martial art (or technique) against a real life attack, there are certainly differences. Some are great, while some others are very difficult to apply in real life. But to a person with the ‘right’ mindset it makes little difference what style she has learned or if she has learned any at all. She will make it work. To the person with the ‘wrong’ mindset, it makes little difference also, but in a negative sense.   Yes, with the ‘right’ mindset as a foundation, better techniques and the amount of training will make a difference, but in the grand scheme of things, this is rather insignificant. Here’s why: A fight between a man and a woman is not between two opponents, but between a predator and a victim. This is hugely important! It changes the whole dynamic of the situation.   If it was between two opponents, fighting skills would be much more important, but it’s not. When a man attacks a woman it is primarily about power and control. A predator is looking for a victim, not an opponent, so he naturally looks for targets that fit into his picture of a victim. Could you demonstrate that you’re not a victim without ever having learned a single martial arts move? Of course you could! Surely you know some women who do exactly that. You can do that by the way you carry yourself, your energy, the way you respond to his approach, the way you speak to him, stand up for yourself and express yourself.   If we lived in a war zone, then knowing how to fight would be of great advantage, because ultimately everybody would be a potential target, but that is not the case. Your main job is to demonstrate that you are not a victim and will not stand for it. This can be done in every phase of a self defence situation, during or long before an attack and to think that an attack is all there is to it is short sighted and plainly wrong. As a matter of fact, these skills can and should be practised not in the gym, but constantly in everyday situations, when there is no danger at all.    This is why it’s so wrong when most self-defence training focuses almost exclusively on physical techniques. Rather than looking to solve the root cause of the problem, this only addresses the symptoms. In doing so, the problem will inevitably persist.    The premise of this thinking is that anyone is a potential victim (like in a war zone). Of course theoretically this is true, but you could also be potentially run over by a car. You don’t leave the house fearing to be run over do you? With the right mindset and subsequent actions (that will take place long before an attack happens), the chances of this happening vastly diminish. Just like paying attention and following the road rules will make you safe on the road.   Martial arts are great in many ways and can make you insusceptible to attacks, but that is not because of fighting skills. It is rather because of a new level of confidence, self worth and well being and hence a new level of self expression. But are martial arts necessary for that? No.   The point is that the problem with self defence is not a lack of fighting skills, but a lack of understanding the problem itself. Insecurity comes from the unknown.   Self defence is primarily about the way you carry yourself and your level of confidence, trusting and acting on your intuition, setting boundaries, valuing yourself and being determined to stand up for yourself. These qualities, not ninja skills, will in reality determine how you handle an attack and they also decide how you handle the situation beforehand, if you can prevent it or even get targeted.    Rethink self defence. It’s about who you are!   Thoughts?